Gender flux clothing11/8/2023 I work as an engineer, so I can get away with quite a lot of androgyny but even so, I feel like I need to dress at least vaguely feminine to make a good impression (I’m new to the workforce) and to avoid any uncomfortable questions or judgements that could affect my job prospects. Presentation is difficult because I’m not really out to anyone as genderqueer/non-binary. Combined symbol of agender, demigirl, and genderfluid. ![]() (from top to bottom) Agender, Demigirl, Genderflux pride flags. In summary, I currently identify strongly with three labels: So I realised that my gender was continuously fluctuating between completely (desperately, painfully) genderless and very slightly feminine (see genderflux). As I only really knew things as either masculine or feminine, when I was feeling particularly genderless I gravitated toward anything I could find that was just not female. What I assumed for so long was a masculine side was really just me being drawn to masculine things as a desperate bid for neutrality and escape from the feminine. I’m not really comfortable coming out as anything more specific than genderqueer/ non-binary if at all, at least until I’m 100% sure of my identity) I realised that while I do very ocassionally feel vaguely feminine ( demigirl), I never feel masculine. After a few months wearing the agender label (online and in my head. I picked out agender as a placeholder label that seemed to fit how I was feeling, but it turned out I’m actually pretty happy with this identity and it only needed a bit of tweaking before it felt almost 100% right. I was definitely not comfortable being completely female (by my definition), and yet I really couldn’t associate with feeling male much at all. Both left me feeling miserable, inadequate and intensely disphoric. I “tried out” feeling entirely male, or entirely female for days at a time. I tried looking at others and how they defined and expressed their femininity or masculinity, and I looked at which things I considered to be masculine and feminine things, and what masculine and feminine even meant to me. When I first started trying to put a label to how I feel, I would just get really confused and frustrated a lot. Like you can’t just tick some boxes, or do a quiz and huzzah! You’re a girl/boy/other. ![]() I have been actively trying to figure out my gender identity for about six months now, and it’s proving a real challenge because gender is really not clear cut at all. ![]() This post will just be an update of where I’m at with my gender identity and presentation at this point in time~ It has again been quite a while between posts on my blog, mostly because I’ve really been struggling with my gender identity and associated disphoria recently.
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